The third largest desert in the world, the Sahara Desert has contacted Mercedes AMG F1 Team, requesting the immediate return of 250,000,000 tonnes of sand.
“Give us our sand back bitch!” the desert yelled at Team Principal Toto Wolff
The sand was delivered to the team last week in preparation for Day 2 of Week 2 of Formula 1 testing, with rumours Mercedes are sandbagging as per usual.
“We’re still testing” Team Principal Toto Wolff told reporters, “we’re still getting valuable data on the 2019 sandbags”
The desert is considering lodging a formal protest with the FIA.
“We have no water, and now no sand, we’re going through a massive drought” the desert said.
“Yeah, but so is Valtteri!” Wolff replied.
However Wolff later dismissed the accusations from the desert and the rest of the Formula 1 Paddock.
“We’re not even sandbagging anyway” Wolff said.
“We’re simply deliberately withholding the true performance of the car”
“At the end of the day, Formula 1 is about the fans, and it’s about entertainment” Wolff said.
“And what do the fans want to see? Lewis and to a lesser extent Valtteri flying around Barcelona setting lap after lap of purple sectors?”
“Or do they want to see consistently off the pace laps on the hardest compound with no explanation?”
The desert is not ruling out an all-out revenge attack.
“We’re considering a sandstorm” a desert spokesperson told us.
“That should mess with the air intake and engine cooling” they said, “and Valtteri’s beard”