Renault F1 Team have not had the start to the season they wanted.
Engine failures, electrical hazards, Double DNF’s and senseless driver errors have undoubtedly made their start to the season the biggest French failure since WW2.
The Second World War was an unmitigated tragedy for France however unless you’re Christian Horner, Haas or any team in the midfield, Renault’s woeful start to the season is the same, if not worse.
The last time a French team was under this much pressure was on June 6, 1944 when Italy invaded France over the Alps.
“That was a dark day for our country, but Baku was darker.” said current French Prime Minister Edouard Philippe.
The Prime Minister went on to send a very pointed warning to Renault Team Boss Cyril Abiteboul.
“If you think getting an Australian to help us will work… it won’t.”
“The last Australian to help out in a French battle was Russell Crowe in Les Miserables, and look how that played out.”
Abiteboul, or ‘Mr Popular’ as no one calls him, is fighting many other battles, with a war of words between himself and Haas Boss Guenther Steiner erupting over B-Team models.
“If WW2 taught us anything, it’s that conflict between a Frenchman and an Austrian-sounding Italian was inevitable.” a very smart historian told us.
Understandably, the people of France aren’t happy.
With the kind of gusto and patriotism that’s typical of the French, there have already been calls for surrender.
“Forget green flags, red flags or blue flags. Just wave the white flag and be done with.”
One Frenchmen even suggested a more extreme solution.
“Roll out the guillotine…”
The drivers are feeling the pressure with Daniel Ricciardo stating on multiple occasions, “I’m not getting what I want from the car.”
“It’s giving me all kinds of French Resistance.” the Honey Badger explained.
France’s notorious underground media-circuit has reported that Renault’s horrible start to the season is an act of treason from one of their very own.
“Hulkenberg is sabotaging the team… After all, he is German.”
The source wishes to remain unidentified, and to be honest, after writing this article, we also might have to go into hiding.
