Royal Baby Sussex Red Bull
Image © Dominic Lipinski/Pool via AP/Alamy/dpa

England is celebrating today as Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, announced the birth of their firstborn son.

And whilst the English have taken to the streets to herald the new royal baby, Red Bull Racing have made a special announcement of their own.

“We’ve already signed him to our Junior Driver Program!” twinkled Dr Marko.

Dr Helmut Marko has a history of recognizing talent in young drivers and prides himself on the Red Bull Junior Driver Program, which has moulded such drivers as Seb Vettel, Max Verstappen and Daniel Ricciardo.

“We got footage of the birthing,” Dr Marko explained.

“And I know raw speed when I see it!” he added, making everyone else in the room uncomfortable.

The new addition to the Royal Family is yet to be named, however it’s understood those at Red Bull offered their suggestions.

“I think Max is a good name…” Christian Horner suggested.

“So do I,” said Adrian Newey.

“And I,” said Dr Marko

“We all do…” said every other Red Bull Racing employee, fearing the loss of their job should they have said otherwise.

“We’ll baptize him in Red Bull Holy Drink” said the Archbishop of Canterbury on the momentous occasion.

Queen Elizabeth, has publicly congratulated both her nephew and Red Bull Racing, making it clear to all the Anarchists, that contrary to popular opinion, she still follows Formula One.

“I hope Jackie Stewart wins it this year!” Her Majesty exclaimed.

Harry and Meghan were quick to thank Red Bull for the opportunity they’ve offered to their son.

“Red Bull have a long history of nurturing young drivers, irrespective of their results, so we couldn’t be happier.”

“We just want our son to live a normal life,” said the Duke of Sussex, “and there’s nothing more normal than being mentored by Dr Helmut Marko!”

The Royal Baby is not the first member of the family to be fast-tracked into Formula 1 – as we revealed exclusively, Prince Phillip had signed for Ferrari’s illustrious Driver Academy – arguably a harder family to get into than the Royals.


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