Peter Bonnington, un-affectionately referred to as ‘Bono’ by Lewis Hamilton has been made a Saint, following the (what seemed) eternal suffering of Lewis Hamilton’s team radio in Monaco.
“St Bono of Brackley, the Patron Saint of Dealing With A Sook” declared Pope Francis.
There were more Hamilton complaints to Bono about tyre strategy in Monaco, then there were B-Grade celebrities their to support the driver. (*Cough* Kris Jenner *Cough*.)
“Pietro was ah very, how you say, ah, patienzio!” added the Pope.
To be canonized and made a Saint, Bono met the ‘Martyr’ and ‘Miracle’ requirements, as issued by the Vatican’s Congregation for Cause of Saints.
“Peter suffered for his driver’s cause,” commented a Theologian.
“It’s Miracle he didn’t tell Lewis to shut the f#$% up!” added a Cardinal.
Cringeworthy “b*tching and moaning” (The Pope’s words, not ours) from Lewis Hamilton is not something new and many have shared their admiration for the newest member of Sainthood.
“Dealing with Lewis? I wouldn’t wish that job on my worst enemy.” said a Siberian Prison Guard.
“You know what I would be saying…” said Haas’ Guenther Steiner who famously showed far less patience when dealing with Romain Grosjean’s complaints in last year’s season.
His Grace took the ceremony as an opportunity to reveal his interest in Formula One.
“I’m campaigning for a Vatican GP in 2021!” the Pontiff said.
The Pope also cleared up any confusion as to why this particular canonization process was so speedy, and not decades-long like in the past.
“I went for the Soft Option Beatification.”
‘St Bono of Brackley, the Patron Saint of Dealing With Sooks’ was more than chuffed post canonisation.
“Get in there, Francis!!!” said the Engineer to his Holiness, after the blessing.
“I don’t know how you did that, mate?!” he added.
Before leaving the St Peter’s Cathedral, Bono revealed the secret to his miraculous work in the face of harsh suffering.
“I give Lewis a lollie after the race and he is healed.”